Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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