just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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