Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
handjob tips. give me some.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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