i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
