Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
