It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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