that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
