Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
