I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
