You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
