i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
