I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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