well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
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so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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