Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
