I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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