were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more