it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
