i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
