we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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