he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
