M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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