We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
