We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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