Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
