So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
