Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
