i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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