Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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