That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize