Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
