Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
