Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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