Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
