i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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