I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
