You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
