dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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