we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
