I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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