He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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