Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
