Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You dont lie about slip and slides
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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