Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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