You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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