remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
