I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
