thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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