I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
