I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
