Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
