Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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