i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
