She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
