i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
