Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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