Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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