Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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