my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
