We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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