Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
