So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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