Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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