so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
