Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
