By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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