in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
not ubering you a puppy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
