I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
